Thu 4/24/21. Mother Teresa, the modern Catholic saint had, according to her correspondence released posthumously, horrible periods of doubt. What’s good about this story is the “oh I’m so surprised” attidude variously pretended or actual — of course she had periods of doubt, being a mortal human being. Sadly none of us get to believe even in atheism completely; it’s just not part of the human condition.
But we portray ourselves, and others, as bastions of belief, depending on what we’re trying to get away with — that is, the partisan may portray its despicable opponent as suffering from perfect faith, for instance when Democrats/Communists deride the evil moronic Christian fanatics.
... I realized some time ago that even if there was a Heaven, it wouldnt be like life. That is, I cant imagine living in a disembodied state that isnt at least creepy, like Twain supposedly complaining about singing in the heavenly choir for millions of years? ... So I figure I can imagine Heaven with perhaps a disembodied spirit or two wandering around and, in a way, this is sort of comforting — but not very.
The blurb on the back of my copy of The Waning of the Middle Ages quotes author Huizinga: To the world when it was half a thousand years younger, the outline of all things seemed more clearly marked than to us — that would be us super-smart moderns of 1924. ... But I dont believe it. I dont think the people of 2,000, even 10,000, years ago were so certain of stuff, indeed I suspect they were considerably more frightened & confused in the darkness, if anything. The idea that the Catholic Church or something installed in them robotic certainty is just stupid. No doubt they believed in many silly things, just as today the greatest minds of our time believe in socialism — but no one believes in it 24/7! ... I believe there is a great desire to believe that at least others had/have certainty, and didnt/dont have to wander in the dark coils of ignorance & darkness the way we seemed to be doomed — but its just wishful thinking....