Silly Cameras VII

1/16/21. The grand endless trek continues, pitifully challenged by global-whatever-it-is-this-week “polar vortex” with bitter 50° temperatures in its Holy Science wake, as I shuffle into the age of covid and arson/riot elections responsible kill-trump kindly “we don’t got hate here” except for fascist republican scum.

... But the cameras are still silly! And there is a connection between today’s inspiring politics and the exciting ethical standards of the beloved camera industry — but I will fondle my silly cameras in sacred peace & contemplation anyway, probably arousing the covid stasi....


DSLR  Silly cameras I II III IV V  VI  VII     Fujifilm A201    Canon A430    Fujifilm S5100     Nikon CP5000     Canon A550     Canon A570    Broken Canon A530     Kodak CX7525      Canon SX540      Fujifilm s1500      Fujifilm 4700 



1/24/21. The 8/01 2mp Fujifilm A201 is a tiny perfectly-formed stupid media camera of yore. And it was a lousy list $250 in a 10/02 PC Magazine, so I can't even indulge in my usual bargain gloatathon. ... Altho to be sure it was only $18.70 @ ebay, and takes OK pix. And it came with lovely pix from the ebay seller of out-of-focus close-ups of odd bits of jewelry, so I guess it didn't work for that. ... I hope she knew about the close-up switch on the front of the camera; I know I never did in the days of my beloved casios....

But it's cute as a button. As to be sure are most of the silly cameras, whatever their mundane defects in what we call the real world if you will pardon the expression....

In other news, these cranky days saw one of my innocent silly cameras deteriorate — something not seen so often in the laboratories, in the seemingly immortal if silly herd of obsolete digital cameras: a tiny bit of the battery door of my beloved a1000 fell off, with a resonant clang to my attuned hearing. ... I've had battery doors fall-off, of my beloved Kodak in infant mediocrity, and my actual real software engineer L22, after I retrieved it from obsolence in the glorious beginnings of the silly camera campaign — but that's a Nikon — the A1000 is a Canon for goodness sake! ... I don't recall dropping it, which is no doubt how the fault began, but a few days ago it presented a pointy surface in my pocket and a bit of the battery door did indeed come off. Sic transit etc....

Back at the fujilfilm corral, I must happily report the A201 was supplied with its own proprietary-as-all-get-out USB cable, to go with the fraudulent stupid media, so all in all it is a wonderful evocation of a golden era. But the seller, oddly, included stupid media film, so it's still a breathtaking bargain....

2/26/21. A precious 2/06 Canon 4mp Canon A430 is approximately NOS, coming in its original box with the documentation still in the ur-plastic envelope, although still including an obvious add-on camera case, no doubt bogus trickery back in the day so no one will ever pay the advertised bargain price....

So my first hurdle was figuring-out how the zoom zoomed! ... Well actually before that I had to install a new CR1220 clock battery so it wouldn't keep whimpering at every power-on ... and then I guessed the zoom was the up-down arrows — couldn't find it in the manual! ... And then I went to buy some more CR1220 batteries....

And actually the zoomed shot wasn't so good, and the others were darkish. ... And by 2006, PC Magazine observed price omerta, but they claimed the a430 was "inexpensive" so I can't snoot even about that. ... But the new box & appurtenances are lovely, and the camera is cute — and what else is there?

2/27/21. A second camera from ebay what arrived on the same day as the a430 is a beautiful very camera-looking 1/05 4mp Fujifilm S5100 10x zoom what PC Mag claimed was $360 "street". ... And it takes pretty good pix. Even with its super special XD Picture Card  — oddly, supplied with the camera, the second time this's happened! 

... It's really fraudulent to sell such cameras without noting scammy not-so-available film, but I've borne-up under the injustice because I of course knew before purchase. And presumably hardly anybody would buy one of these things thinking to get a bargain, although perhaps someone so ignorant that they don't know how to make their phone work might be gulled. ... But no, in these days the silly camera purchasers must be composed of those of unbalance tendencies such as myself.

... But sadly, the time has come when there are too many silly cameras, and I had to achingly consider how to carve-out another shelf from the existing cornucopia of all kinds of dubious junk that I treasure. So I made a terrible compromise, and I will de-access selected silly cameras by storing them in plastic drawers in the dark — boring silly cameras with scammy proprietary (of course) chargers which I couldn't pick-up and use without an agonizing charging cycle delay anyway. ... Some of the proprietary-charge cameras are amusing-enough so I will keep them upon glorious display, such as the coolpix 990 with its rotating head — which, on inspection, hasn't got the nasty proprietary battery but perfectly decent AAs which I could replace in a trice at any moment and take pictures with abandon — if the silly thing weren't too much trouble, 'cause of the weird rotation. ... And then I put-away an S4000 and got to entomb it in its own original product box, which was strangely gratifying...

But never mind ... it's all so beautiful ... and silly....

3/11/21. Desperate and pitifully I seized a 1/02 5mp Nikon Coolpix 5000 which, while using a proprietary battery, does at least have a viewfinder and real-camera looks. Because of lifelong ineptitude it didn't come with a battery, something I'm pretty sure was disclaimed right there on ebay, although perhaps not shouted-out, or at least loud-enough for my addled perceptions.  So I purchased a $15 charger/battery from the lost accessories amazon emporium for $15. And when I got it, I had to snip off some little plastic protuberances from in the charger cradle with a diagonal cutter, so the batteries'd fit. But this is ancient history for the intrepid silly camera fan, although it's usually sticking toothpicks in to make the charging battery stay-put. ... And then I noticed the supplied charger — i.e. for the not-included battery — was third-party also. What a tangled web and all....

Along the weary way, I discovered that usux™'s search "bing" knows not the dark corners of internet as well as google, when some criminal cretinous page set-off a giant shouting alarm with flashing lights and stupid frenzy what I had to quell with control-alt-delete & task manager. ... So I have learned so many things. 

The CP5000 was "$1099 (street price)", or so says this contemporary silly article, so that's wonderful. ... The actual pictures are disappointing but this was such an advanced camera I should read the manual. ... Which didn't seem to help much. More relevant, perhaps, were my exciting experience with the annoying Nikon D80 — perhaps the 5000 is also an enthusiast camera where the boring automatic stuff is broken....

&/or the too dark pix might have been the state of the art in those dark days, so the pitiful Macintoshers wouldn't whimper about washed-out photos from their fancy camera set to "auto". ... There's an exposure compensation button which works when I hold the controls hard enough, which reluctance is just electronic antiquity, and might be deoxit-able; but what's really old is how the setting disappears with the power cycle....

A final indignity was the genuine Nikon brand 8MB!! CF card what the seller graciously included — 3 or four pix, max! ... Just a sampler of course, and quickly remedied after a glance in the silly drawer....

4/1/21. Commemorating the sacred day, I took a precious 1/07 7mp Canon A550 into the fold, executing the completion of the A--- series, which includes my first impressive scam-broken Willoughby's A540. ... And thus the circle is completed at last, with thundering resonance & whimpering. & the ebay vendor's mere $18.99 is a bargain compared to Amazon's $35. 

4/10/21. The 10/07 7mp Canon A570 is the latest in my A5?? scam-broken Willoughby's A540 assemblage, thus solemnly almost completing wasted decades of silly cameradom — a510, a520, my glorious $200 2006 willoughby's broken a540, a550, a560, this a570, a580, and a590. — still uncollected is the Canon a530, so the sequence is still imperfect ... but not for long!

... Momentarily I was confused by my "A515", but that's a pitiful polaroid, perhaps attempting to insinuate itself into a canon sequence but still, now I'm concerned I'm completion-ing the times 10 A5?? sequence. ... And then in my studied ignorance I happened upon the astonishing wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canon_PowerShot_A, where all the a-prefix cameras are listed in ridiculous abundance, so I will never suffer from completionitis — although of course I have many of the cameras in their monstrous chart ... but probably not even a majority....


4/17/21. My $9.75 2/06 5mp Canon A530 came broken. It lit-up nice, but it will write no SD card in my time, apparently. ... Or perhaps some dark and stormy night I will abuse it adequately some more and bring it to glorious life. ... But in a way, a broken camera is appropriate for the completion of the Canon A5?? sequence, starting as it did in timeless memory (aka 2/06) with my brand-new broken A540....

But for now, I guess I'll inter the pitiful thing in the broken camera box, with so many other fallen innocéntes. ... &, pitifully, I bought another ebay special, but this one a high-quality $11.31, and there's a picture of the camera displaying a picture! ,,, Bound to work great....

4/23/21. The second broken A530 arrived! ... I deluded myself that the first one could've been vendor error, although it probably wasn't, but this one was obviously a scam — the LCD image on the back was gershtunk along with the apparently inevitable "card error" — so I petitioned ebay, who provided me with a teeny tiny totally-illegible PDF return label, and the process for printing it exited in less than 30 seconds so I couldn't even try and beat it up. ... So I disputed the charge. My guess is the scammy vendor somehow figured-out how to break the return software — but of course it could be ebay tidying-up their profit picture. ... The world of silly cameras has its brutal side....

7/5/21. As a fitting caesura in the sacred silly camera tao, I got a $45 8/04 5mp Kodak EasyShare CX7525 out in America somewhere. It claims it's "new never used" so I assume the giant box will be chock-full of incompatible junk obviously miscellaneously assembled in the dark. But upon my return to the mothership, our AT&T U-verse© wireless was totally gershtunk, so I had to use this actual picture taken with the cx7525 itself! And dubiously "photoshopped" via pspx8....

But it took a picture without dawdling! Indeed it was supplied with a vast 128MB SD card! And the box appears to include a genuine Kodak tripod! And I actually had to remove one of the camera stickers advertising some wonderful feature, 'cause I couldn't see the screen to set the date/time! And indeed the picture of the case on the box looked just like the one inside — except the actual case inside didn't have the Kodak logo. ... Certifying its glorious silly camera status, it barely has any info at Dpreview, only a mention in some antique Kodak puffery.

7/7/21. Now the internet has returned and I can annotate my precious gadget with wild excess, but the broken internet had just about as much cx7525 info as the super-fast bluestream wonder we've graduated to — I found no hits for "kodak easyshare dock cx7525", although I am not unacquainted with the things, as in my DX4330 complaints. ... The docks were, of course, like snowflakes, each unique to its camera, so the pitiful Kodak-buying jerks wouldn't be able to cheat and, shamefully, get another camera that'd work in the current dock. So my lovely $45 toy is probably quite rare....

Automagically

The dock was supposed to be connected to a computer, so the owner could go out for an exciting evening at the local arts center, grabbing the camera on the way, and then returning and replacing it, and saving all the beautiful pix by pressing a single button! ... And, I have actually done that, here, today — minus the arts center — in the modern world of tragic covidery & riot & arson.  ... But Behold! The cx7525's 128MB SD card isn't "new never used"! — there are donkeys & family pictures, from 'round about Christmas 2004. ... But the beautiful  box contained no software, the CD presumably thrown-away in the packaging. I installed a 2011 "easyshare" program I got with my Z990 (and deinstalled with loathing), and of course it didn't work on my period-appropriate XP, although I imagined it did at first, because Usux© had its own program that'd load the pictures and did so, and a few times I thought it was Kodak but, no, the Kodak program was totally gershtunk..

7/10/21. But when I pressed the button on the stupid dock the pictures marched in, file names thoughtfully vandalized by the Usux© moron mavens. ... So I still got a rare & strange genuine antique kodak easyshare dock installation, although I had to displace my barking dog skeleton....

Still it was not without sorrow: the beloved 2014(?) Dell XP laptop's hinges seem to have suffered, and will never be young again. I had carefully applied blue tape so the lid wouldn't latch and fail, like my 2006 Toshiba, but the wild excitement in moving it around was too much. But, thankfully, not enough to disable it, and I'm sure its future laptop missions won't be challenged by its now-sadly-wonky hinges....

And the pitiful Usux© software of course asks 37 questions before it will condescend to copy the beautiful pictures ... but it must ... its spirit must be free to maunder! ... because it's Usux© Murican Mediocrity Manifest!™


7/20/21. It's a silly camera in the sense that it's one of the horrible rechargeable-battery silly-expensive kind that I routinely hold up to scornful ridicule in these pages, but nevertheless, in an acquisitional frenzy I bought a $350 2016 Canon SX540 HS 20mp! 50x!! zoom (including $50 of extra batteries) what I will cherish I hope in a frenzied revulsion for everything I've held sacred in my ongoing saga of silly serenity. ... Actually, I started when some corrupt puffery (the ever-inspiring PCWorld I think) "recommended" (i.e. paid-for phoney editorial text) the 2018 $600! Canon Powershot SX70 HS with 65x!!! zoom, so when I backed-off to my pitiful $300 (+ extra batteries) I was obviously engaged in sensible conservative compromise. ... DPReview doesn't review these things anymore, even in the xmas stupid people round-ups or at least I haven't noticed, sticking to the no-longer-so-sacred DSLR and, so sadly, on to the pitiful successor mirrorless cameras, just as I foretold, whose only difference from our pitiful point 'n' shoot brigades is the mirrorless's got changeable lenses, which of course is marvelou$, since the lenses cost $1,000s and the camera feature itself — or something — raises the mirrorless price by $1,000s too, so it's all good.

But I'm curious if my $300 camera's any good. I had noticed that one of my rechargeable cameras seemed to hold its charge for years, and so maybe it's not so bad. ... I haven't gotten the thing yet, so there may well be excitement in store! ... And counting inflation, my $200 2008 DSLR is worth about $250 today, so it's not so bad....

No wheel

And then I belatedly checked that the sx540 doesn't have the infuriating sx20's obviously-broken wheel, so that's wonderful....

7/28/21. The sacred object has arrived and is slowly charging-up its supplied battery. In my wild reckless enthusiasm I forgot to put a timer on it — which one should always do, because of the definite possibility of the forever charge — but it's been at least two hours already. ... The manual seems to preserve omerta regarding charging time. ... But it wound-up taking the usual 4 hours.

No Viewfinder

But then there was a minor detail which the skilled silly-camera fanatic somehow missed: this is a wonderful camera for children which has no way to take pictures except by staring at the back. ... That is, as I have ranted to the empty ceiling for years, it is exactly like a cellphone, except you can't make telephone calls. And, of course, it has 50x zoom, which'll be useless without a viewfinder....

So amazon nicked me $6 for returning the extra batteries I stupidly got; full value return for the camera. Which is certainly more than I deserve. But then again, no one should be sold a viewfinderless camera, no matter how stupid they are. ... & if I were one of those know-it-all senile elderly persons which, sadly, I am obviously not, I would've just deleted this section and pretended it never happened. ... But no, that would not be the way of honor, and I must be sure that I commemorate my folly. Once again....

So I asked amazon for a "canon viewfinder camera" and the cheapest appears to be $460. But actually there's a cheaper "EOS" — i.e. "real" camera with changable lenses — for only $380. Which is a crummy 2018 camera and which I don't want. ... I have a dslr; surely no one needs two....

This is definitely a significant pause in the otherwise-endless silly camera road. Clearly, my mistake was investing in the future, or at least the recent past. No I must not go there, obviously; I must still turn-over the broken junk of yesteryear to understand myself, and the world....

8/4/21. So after the startingly-depressing sx540, my silly camera hopes & dreams were revivified by a $34 2/09 10mp Fujifilm S1500 12x zoom which works wonderfully and even uses normal SD film! ... And at least the used unit @ amazon was more expensive than my ebay junk....

To make room for the s1500 and silly cameras to come in an endless rush of silliness, I de-accessed a ton of stupid photo books, none of which have the charm of the silliest camera, being devoted without exception to gulling the poor consumer who, on the other hand, makes up for it by almost never reading these things. I certainly didn't. Even the dummy series falls into the photo-scam abyss. ... The cameras, to be sure, are often scammy, but there's something much more charming about them; I suppose they have to do something, and I would guess the exact opposite is true of the books (the less they know, the better, the wise old goniffs mumbled)....

So I even took the official laboratory picture of my mysterious noah's ark with my s1500!

8/5/21. The silly camera gods — very minor dieties indeed — have smiled upon me, and got me two working ebay cameras in a row and this $42 one is a rare and beautiful remnant: a 1/00 ~2mp Fujifilm Finepix 4700 3x zoom including dubious megapixelation and a StupidMedia card — included by the seller! ... Did I mention it actually works! That would be why it was so expensive....

So the dubeity of the pixelation is Fuji claimed it was a four megapixel camera, because of magic japanese trickery. Of course it isn't, but apparently it renders the pictures 4mp large. This kind of thing was common in the brutal early days of silly cameradom & its wild west frothery. .. But viewed in xn the pix appear a decent 2 mp or less, and quite lovely, particularly the included selection of a sideway gentleman and out-of-focus flowers. ... And lookee here: dpreview claims it was "$700 street price"! I am living large in the unimaginable past. 

... Sadly it looks as if google books, like all google projects must, has dived into meaningless brokenness and no longer shows me delightful magazine ads for cameras of the past, instead producing ridiculous refs. like Sediment Records of Biomass Burning and Global Change when I searched for "FujiFilm FinePix 4700z". ... Oh well it worked much better when I gave it something stupider like "FujiFilm 4700", and now it admits in a MaximumPC issue it was $800! & this Popular Mechanics claims the $800 figure too, so it must be so!

... Well "working" may be an overstatement. It definitely took at least one picture, but I would guess the flash has departed this vale of tears long ago. And the little button that opens the flash is marked as if someone, like myself, had considerable difficulty getting it to open at all. Although I'm assuming that's just a pitiful sclerotic mechanical affliction of age ... as indeed would be the failure of the flash to "charge" up to the necessary flashing voltage. ... But still, it probably takes pictures in room light — yes, the pix that came with it are all non-flash. ... I will not be stern; it is a beautiful pretentious silly thing. ... Not as wonderful as the s1500, 'though....

8/6/21. And then I carefully ejected the stupidmedia and gently inserted it again. Carefully carefully. And tried to take a picture, but it wouldn't 'cause it was too dark. Then with foolhardy abandon I used a fingernail to pop-up the flash — and it took a beautiful picture. More than one! ... It doesn't seem to get enough power from the NiMH batteries to actually set the time, or at any rate keep it, but the vast majority of users wouldn't know about that anyway. ... So it worx perfect....